Thursday, January 31, 2008

advice to Fanny Price,

from Mansfield Park, who burns for her cousin, wants him to burn for her in return and wonders how to make him turn his passions loose.

When cousins do ignite their hearts
and speed their blood by fits and starts,
they may forget that genes were meant
to mix with those of foreign bent,
for thwarted nature causes pains
to children born with crookéd veins.

You burn for him but still forget
you'll carbonize those you beget.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

advice do Abe Lincoln's mom,

who worries that he studies too much and does not learn about the pleasures of life.

A fact well-known   to moms with boys
is that the brats   have subtle ploys
to get their own   ideas round
their folks' diktats   to keep them sound.

I bet your kid   pretends to study,
and borrow books,   and gets all muddy,
but goes amid   the slave-girls lewdly
to learn their nooks   and grow up shrewdly.

Don't raise your knobbly   hand at him
because the chances   are not slim
a young man's hobby   may become
a nation's stance   against the scum.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

advice to Henry Crawford,

from Mansfield Park, who cannot bear the thought that Fanny Price is going to marry someone else and may have discarded him because of his dalliance with another woman.

It's often said of women's choice
of men to share their life,
“The dowry must include a Royce
or wedlock ends in strife.”

But that belief's not wholly true:
some ladies love indeed.
Among these there are quite a few
whose noses never bleed.

And though I know not where Miss Price
belongs among that list,
I know you leave her cold as ice
–and that, sir, is the gist.

Monday, January 14, 2008

advice to Marie Antoinette,

who wonders what to do about the dreadful peasants who are revolting and insisting that they have no bread.

A dame like you has nought to worry
from scabby peasants at your gate:
their hands are numb, their eyes are blurry,
their hearts and minds are seventh-rate.

That they are hungry serves them well
for scrapping kale and craving bread.
So let them pound at your doorbell
there's nought to make you lose your head.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

advice to Valmont,

from Les Liaisons Dangereuses, on momentarily having second thoughts about death after being mortally wounded in a duel.

Perhaps it's worse to go on living
with conscience stabbing at your heart
with knives long, sharp and unforgiving
than with a single blow depart.

But since your death is now so near
– and one which you procured so keenly –
it's not, sir, in good taste to fear
an end that meets your type routinely.

A further evil stains your case:
you were a more adroit seducer
than most of us men on the chase.
So cheers to him who finished you, sir.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

further advice to Huckleberry Finn,

who wasn't satisfied by previous advice and asks to be taught one or two important manners, just to keep the widow happy.

There's no set of manners to master
that might cure a social disaster.
There's only one rule,
you won't learn at school:
"Do everything slower, not faster."

If by this good rule you are bound
I warrant you'll soon be renowned
the sweetest of boys
who never annoys
the ladies, the stiff, or the crowned.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

advice to Scarlett O'Hara,

from Gone With the Wind, who asks if Rhett Butler will come back to her.

You are the sort of girl, I guess,
who teases men with 'no' and 'yes',
then 'no', then 'maybe yes and no',
till cows dry up and home they go.

Amid two loves you sit, I bet,
expecting pleasing vows from Rhett.
I toast to him who had the sense
to send you crashing off your fence.

A civil war may rage, I swear,
and billions die and fields go bare
before your ex will hear your claim,
the same old dame who shamed his name.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

advice to Huckleberry Finn,

who's tired of having Widow Douglas tell him to mind his manners, and wonders if they are really necessary.

The widow is under th'impression
that manners should be a reflection
of feelings we carry inside.

More often than not they are merely
a front to avoid showing clearly
the thoughts we had much better hide.

She must be in permanent terror
that making a slight little error
might nakedly show her dark side.

But why should you care if at table
the priggish old diner might label
your messiness undignified?

Your wild ways I urge you continue.
They prove there is much goodness in you,
and more: you're no Jekyll and Hyde.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

advice to Baroness Elsa Schraeder,

from The Sound of Music, on expressing a desire to marry the Captain, in spite of his seven children

My dear baroness!
You out of your senses?
Don't ever say yes:
just think of th'expenses!
Get out of that mess
before it commences.

I grant you the truth
that love should be blind;
but think of the youth
you must leave behind
with seven uncouth
li'l devils combined!

And cause for divorce
will start in a whiz:
I've heard from a source
– a housemaid of his –
the Captain's workforce
is where his heart is.

Indeed, he's most canny:
that nice Captain chap
would marry my granny
in less than a snap
to get him a nanny.
   So, out! It's a Trapp.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

paulinho da memória

minha memória foi pro fundo do baúúúúúaa
não haverá mais ilusããã-ão
quero lembrar, ela não deixa
alguém q ainda me deve um dinheirão
minha memória...